Informed by the science-based model, Schema Therapy, along with other proven models for treating couples, there is some consensus that core unmet emotional needs can lead to maladaptive life themes (schemas) and self-defeating coping behaviors. Schema chemistry can play an important role in partner selection, for example, choosing someone who may replicate a familiar experience with a parent or other significant caregiver, or someone who appears to fill a longstanding void—often resulting in longings and needs that go unfulfilled and schema triggering, conflict escalations, detachment, and violations of trust, create deeper fractures in attachment and intimacy.
Dealing with issues of narcissism in the intimate relationship poses an even greater challenge in the treatment room, where the narcissist’s typical devaluing, approval-seeking, entitled, controlling, “victim/martyr”, and passive-aggressive reactions and behaviors, are often paired with a partner who is burdened by the challenges of self-doubt, self-diminishment, subjugation, and self-sacrifice. Narcissists are notorious for denial, defensiveness, devaluation, and defiantly detached reactions when confronted about their hurtful contributions to the problems in the relationship. Restoring trust and intimacy can seem like an overwhelming and insurmountable endeavor.
Unlike most other approaches to couple’s treatment, schema therapy offers a protocol that does not insist on exclusive conjoint work. This approach appreciates the value of flexibility where individual treatment and conjoint treatment are part of an integrated plan, when necessary.